Do you have a husband or boyfriend who goes all out for Valentine’s Day, and takes good care unsecured loans of you all the year long? If you're single, perhaps you have an obliging neighbor who shovels your walk on snow days, or an ex-lover who still drives across town to fix your sink. If any of these circumstances apply consider this: on the day after Valentine’s Day, February 15th, give your deserving friend or significant other the gift of a steak and bj as a token of your heartfelt esteem...and no, I don't mean a trip to the wholesale club.
For some years now I've heard men lightly lament the inequity of February 14th. Lately Saint Valentine's Day--a tradition associated with courtly love since the high middle ages--has been hijacked by commercial interests. In these days, it has become an occasion wherein, the woman will send and the man bad credit loans must spend. Indeed, it is the female who is most often on the receiving end of the traditional attentions and tributes--flowers, candy, cards, jewelry, etc. The male is charged with first procuring these articles, and then footing the bill for the evening's amusements.
So what can be done to right this grievous slight? I know just the thing; a fitting counterpart, a day to celebrate and promote the felicity of the male heart. But what pray tell would a man want if allowed to choose of his own accord? I'm guessing candy and flowers would not make his list, but there can be no doubt--the double delight of a steak and bj would do just fine.
So ladies, let us this day declare, with love and gratitude for the men in our lives: February 15th shall from now and forward be celebrated as National Steak and Blow-Job Day.
The Steak
If you don't cook, don't worry. Steaks are easy. However, they are not indestructible. Should you feel the need to consult Bobby Flay or another of his kind, please do. The steak should be prepared lovingly and well.
First, you must know your man. If the lover in question is not your husband or steady, do your homework. Does he prefer the marbled, tender cut of a T-Bone or the lean sinew of a Filet? The cooking time is of the utmost importance. For instance, a perfect medium should have a hot, red center. Know his preference and do not overcook. You may finish your carne masterpiece with a crown of herbed butter for added decadence if so inclined. The side dish choice is left to your considered judgment. If steak is not his favorite guilty pleasure dish, do what you know is best.
The only rule, and this is a must, if the house is blessed with the fruits of your more conventional past lovemaking, the steak should be served after the little cherubs are well tucked into bed. The table may be set for one, or perhaps for two if you care to join him, but allow yourself leave to fetch his condiments, spirits and the like. If he prefers to eat in his favorite chair in front of the tube, so be it. You are at his service.
The BJ
After perusing several scholarly articles on the art of fellatio, and interviewing subjects of both the male and female persuasions, I set about compiling these worthy data into a comprehensive report on the practice. But alas, what began as a thoughtful explication seemed to drift into the category of erotica, a specialty for which I have no talent. So, I will leave that task to my betters and say simply this:
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